Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
