hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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