apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
