Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
