Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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