my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
