yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
