Just fell off a train. Bad.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
