Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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