so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
