i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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