We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
