Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
