i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
