who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
