You really coming over, don't trick.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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