I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
