i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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