you guys were way drunker than both of me
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
