who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
