Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
