so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
