using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
