i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize