its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
