im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
