I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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