Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
