Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
