do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I pour the whiskey from now on
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
