I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
