and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
