So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
