I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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