I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
