just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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