i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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