The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
