I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
