The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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