all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
