Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
