My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
