He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
