Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
