I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
