you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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