I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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