You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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