: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
