I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
