I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
