I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
