I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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