You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
