Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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