I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
