Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
